Happy New Year!!!

“…And the stars were shining, distant bells were ringing…”

Have you ever stood outside in the dark on Christmas Eve, ankle-deep in snow in the middle of a pine forest, staring up at the Milky Way and breathing in the knife-sharp air? The silence sounds full of song and miracles. So many years I’ve paused with my five siblings on our way to church and longed for what was, or what might yet be. This year I yearned for what is.

This was the year of Prairie Creek, of making wonderful friends, of a happier family, of building a home. Of learning to dance.

Lately Surya and I have been working on bending, and it’s going very well. For weeks I insisted, twisting myself around in exaggeration, and achieving flashes of brilliance. But I have again come up against a wall in my own knowledge. When Surya bends correctly, I don’t know enough to be able to give in pressure and thus reward without first thinking about it, which means I can’t reward her instantly, which means she doesn’t have flashes of insight. Instead, we are working toward bending in increments. First, I get her trotting in a good rhythm and on the bit. Then, I ask her to bend around my inside leg without bending to the outside. My main struggle is with the reins. In opening the inside rein, I have a tendency to give with the outside rein. Or I pull the inside rein down, or back. The result of any of these is Surya bending her poll and cocking her head while traveling straight with her shoulders. After endless repetition, I am slowly figuring out how to set her up so the pressure is relieved when she bends with her whole neck and flexes around my inside leg. She is slowly figuring out what I want. This is difficult for me because the concept is new; it is difficult for her because she is very short-coupled and bending is not so easy. Inch by inch, we are making progress, and holding the improvements from ride to ride. Not flashy or instantaneous, but I am happy.

And yet, the last few weeks of 2012 have been bittersweet. One of my best friends moved away across the country. And my Awesome Rider Friend’s horse (that she was leasing) was put down after he unexpectedly went fully blind. “Johnny” (out of respect for his owner’s wishes, not his real name) was a horse that would always pay attention if you called his name. People would sing-song from across the barn, “John-ny!” and he would pick his head up from his hay and prick his ears in their direction. We all miss him.

Johnny went Advanced in his day, and had the biggest heart. He loved jumping, and would prance in place in the start box on cross-country, waiting to gallop enthusiastically to the first jump. But as wild and forward as he could be under saddle, Johnny was a consummate gentleman on the ground, and sweet as a puppy. He would put his nose very close to his person’s chest, and then flop his ears, close his eyes, and sigh in contentment. He enjoyed hugs to his face. He was already at our farm when I arrived, and Surya arrived, in the winter of 2012. I met ARF just before she started leasing him, and we quickly became friends. So Johnny accompanied Surya on her first trail rides around the farm. He was often in the ring as we struggled with the trot, and then the canter. He showed Surya that the water hose was not scary in the summer months, and that clippers could be tolerated in the fall. He rolled his eyes at some of Surya’s antics, but flagged his tail too when the cold weather arrived.

Though the ending was sad, I do not regret knowing him. ARF loved that horse like he was her child, and he brought her to her first events. His time here was beautiful.

My heart broke a few times and expanded a lot in 2012. And though I would have been satisfied if it had, I am so glad the world did not end! Especially since I attended a bar crawl dressed in footie pajamas and a fluffy sparkly candy cane headband on December 21^st, and that is not how I want to greet the afterlife.

In a few days I will raise a glass to loves won, to old warriors, to friends, to young clumsy ones, to family, to wild tangled trees, and to loves lost, for auld lang syne. May you all find joy, peace, and magic in the New Year.