Strength of Conviction

One of the managers at my work the other day said something offhand that was so wise, and had such a visceral impact on me, that I’ve been thinking about it ever since. He said “just because you’ve compromised doesn’t mean you’ve lost your convictions.” At first glance, this seems a rather obvious statement. But if you dig a little deeper, it’s profound.

The conversation started with a discussion of EPA regulation and the impact it has on our industry. It morphed into a discussion of the type of people working at the EPA and the reason it has a public relations problem. (Disclaimer: I have a Masters of Environmental Science from UCSB, and have publicly hugged trees in the past.) Many of the people hired at the EPA have strongly-held convictions. Unwilling to start in a place of mutual dissatisfaction and work in incremental steps toward a goal, they expect bad things to stop happening now. This is the same idealism espoused by college students and politicians everywhere.

I graduated grad school convinced I wanted to work in Corporate Social Responsibility, making corporations more environmentally sustainable. If someone offered me that job now, I probably would not take it. I very quickly followed the stereotypical path of idealist college student/grad student to jaded corporate worker. Sure, anthropogenic climate change is real, but I don’t want to spend my time trying to convince people to flee a burning house. They can save themselves, sheesh! Besides, I can acknowledge the economic reality of changing our infrastructure to actually address the problem, both in terms of mitigation and adaptation (what I don’t understand is the media’s obsession with finding another side to every story, even if there isn’t one, and the self-important individuals who think to eschew years of research, schooling, and impartial scientific analysis for their opinion of how the world should be). The reason for this cynicism is twofold: conviction in the face of apathy is difficult, and I understand the arguments behind the points of view in opposition to my own. The thought process continues, if I understand the other side’s point and am willing to compromise my own opinion, and the other side won’t help work toward my goal, why even bother? At that point, I wonder if I care about anything, then descend into an emo spiral until I’m eating tuna in ennui with Henri the Cat.

As the manager at work pointed out, this is a juvenile reaction and a stupid fear. You can compromise your opinion with losing it. You know you’ve reached a true compromise when nobody is happy.

Do you want your goal, and want it now? Or are you willing to do the hard work of working toward a conviction in reality, beset with doubts and frustrations? Look, it’s easy to walk into Mordor if you are absolutely sure the ring must be thrown in the fire, and all your friends are backing you. The path is clear, even if it is difficult. But life is not Les Miserables. In reality, LeMarc isn’t 100% sure a barricade is the way to go. I sure as hell hear the people sing, but they are really off-tune and I don’t think they’ve agreed on a song. (Besides, isn’t it only Siths that speak in absolutes?)

So what is my trite point here?

1.      @Politicians. Just stop the idealist posturing and fix the fiscal cliff already. Taking a tough stance in negotiations is great; failing to reach an agreement is unacceptable. I promise I won’t hold compromise against you.

2.      @Planet. I think I discovered I still care about saving the world via my career. Hang in there.

3.      @Me. As usual, please try and be more patient in the training of Surya. Just because you have the goal of eventing perfection and the willingness to work to get there doesn’t mean the path is obvious and easy.

P.S. Surya and I had an AMAZING dressage lesson on Tuesday. My trainer confused me with the horse and said “Good girl Alex” as we were trotting around. I guess our collapse was actually deconstructionism. My trainer told me that the usual training pattern is rapid improvement, a period of plateau, and then, while the effort may not be visible, you become good enough to start reaching for the next level. At this point, things fall apart. However, suddenly, when you’ve put it back together, you are three times better than you were before the humpty-dumpty. So here’s to hoping the next dressagexplosion comes soon!